The Letter
“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible..."
- Matthew 19:26
To the Persons Who Hurt Me,
You may or may not know who you are, but I wanted to tell you something important. I needed to write this letter not only to free myself and free all of you, but so that others may also be free. My bruised and battered heart needed Someone to save it and He did…When I felt at my absolute lowest and could not imagine being able to stand again after all the fiery darts had struck me, He was there, pulling me up out of the darkest parts of myself.
“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined.”
—Isaiah 9:2 (NKJV)
I have learned that the hurt I felt from all of you and all the darkness it put me in, actually made me see His light more in my life than ever before.
The lower you made me feel, the higher He lifted me up.
I came out standing on the Rock, and did not sink into the quicksand of bitterness that was so readily willing to draw me into its suffocating presence. I knew that:
“He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.”
—Psalm 40:2 (NKJV)
Even though my breath was taken away by the betrayal that came upon me from places I never expected, I have passed all these tests that which were laid before me. The tests that which you, the injurers, had cast upon me.
I now know what it means to “count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds…” I now know that “the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” and that I must “let steadfastness have its full effect” so that I “may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:2-4 NKJV)
I will say it: Your hurts actually made me stronger. I am a warrior and it’s all because of the scars I have received from the many battles I have faced.
Without the hurts and the trials, I would not be who I am today.
With all that being said, I have hurt some if not all of you at some point myself. I am not perfect and will never claim to be. I have caused hurt and I still look back on those moments with much regret. I wish things were different, and that the world didn’t make us all so cruel at times to one another. We all battle constantly with our flesh and hearts that so desperately need a Savior.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?”
—Jeremiah 17:9 NKJV
That Savior provided one way for us all to make it through the mistakes we have made, the mistakes we wish most that could be taken back. He has given us the gift that crushes the curse of the guilt that burdens us daily for the evil we have caused each other. He hung on a cross, battered, bruised and naked, completely perfect in all that He was and He said,
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”
—Luke 23:34 NKJV
He looked at all the evil I was and He gave me a second chance.
He lifted me up out of the pit of despair, cleaned me up and saw only light in me when I couldn’t even see light in myself. Knowing that Christ first forgave me for the despicable human being that I am, I know I can find it in my heart to someday completely forgive each one of you for all the hurt you have caused me. I know I cannot take on the journey of forgiveness on my own, because I know I will fail (Psalm 73:26).
But I know that Jesus once said,
“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible..."
—Matthew 19:26 NKJV
I will choose to believe those words of truth no matter what a person has done to me, because I know it is in my capacity to choose to forgive anybody because of Him Who lives in me. I can live knowing that I have that power and that I can walk away from the hurts I have caused, as well as the hurts I have felt from others, because of Him Who first loved me. I am fighting for a cause. The cause of love. The cause of Christ. I want to deny my humanly instincts of bitterness and leave them on the side of the road where they belong (Luke 9:23). I want to deny myself and the feelings that I feel knocking, those feelings that say “it’s all about me.”
I am “more than” the mistakes I have made against you, and you are “more than” the mistakes you have made against me.
Because He loves us (Romans 8:37).
Through His perfect example, He gave us the perfect picture of what it means to forgive despite what kind of person needs the forgiveness. We are the most undeserving, and yet we were offered the forgiveness of a literal perfect King. Despite the regrets of what I have done, despite my shattered heart and my daily struggle to pick up the pieces, He is greater because of His love.
I have learned that forgiveness for a Christian is not meant to be a formality to feel better and feel “released” from a prison where you hold yourself. It is the simplest thing that we never thought it was...
Forgiveness is love. It is the literal picture of grace.
No matter the hurts you have all caused me in the past, I will choose to love much, because He first loved me much.
“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.”
—1 Corinthians 13:13 NKJV
Before I end this letter, I have one last question for those of you I have hurt, betrayed and disappointed. A question that persistently presents itself onto my heart. A question that will always be nagging me to ask it for the rest of my life…
Will you forgive me?